Oh yes. Finally I do something with this space again. Over the 1-2 years I found myself compelled to update with *something* but every time I saw the aspects of frustration or aspects which are TMI or over-sharing, I would clam up. No one needs to here journal after journal of crappy bad shit.
However, after a year or so of that, I was aware of that pressure cooker inside me, building up. From previous experience, that wont go anywhere good. Stuffing all that down into me is just a waste of energy as well as feeding these newer fears that just give the dark demons more room to work me over knowing no one will interfere. So, from June to mid-July, I started an uphill climb and put it out on paper even just to view. At some point, I defied the part that has been sabotaging me to silence and, admittedly, put it up publicly.
With this big keystone moved, does this give me room to get back to normal( as in, “the way I was before.”)? I can only shake my head. Honestly, I have NO idea
Am I supposed to? … Probably not.
One cannot go back “to the way it was. Living in the past keeps you from executing the more progressive act of resetting one's baseline. This is a process that is needed, and with no specific interval. Mine happened to be waayyy overdue this time and I seem to be slogging through it this time around. I must continue to cast things out which frustrate me, but that present no progressive or productive end result. My pipe dreams have to be just that, or Ill just leave opportunity for the Censor (and other demons) to work against me by presenting sabotaging thoughts (e.g. “Why haven't you done that?”, “Look at how many people have done exactly what you only could think about, and never do.”, etc..).
So, with such important turning points and objectives in my sights, I seek more time and energy for the more important stuff – organizing and simplifying my life and using the momentum I have already given myself.
Currently on my plate:
- Improving Wildgasmasks' website – I have gotten so much of the important laid down but I want to make some important UI tweaks.
- A good lead on part-time employment – Some look promising and very aligned with my work ethic as well as having great subject matter and goals. My “shadow work” was never made to fuel itself so this might lead me on to fixing my equipment shortage.
- Califur 2015 Website – yes, Im no longer working Cabaret but I can sure push their pixels around
- Improving my Knowledge of Blender
- Super Secret Project 1
- SoCalFurs Community – Need to finish up some tasks, with the idea of getting the “network” (our social sites and sub-regional groups) more cohesive. Then I can add more photos and media, as well as put out a call to local artists
- Finish my Playacoat – Yes, can we say “long overdue”?